A waste of a mind is a mindful waste
by Jayne Slayed
Summary: Something very curious is happening to Hermione Granger's body...and her mind! A parody of all those wretched makeoverHermione stories.


Hermione Granger frowned as she looked in the mirror. She had noticed that her robes no longer quite fit around her chest. It was doubtful that she could get her parents to send her some galleons to get new robes. She was simply going to have to make do until Christmas break. Hermione walked over to her bed and got her bag full of books and hurried down to breakfast.

She slipped right next to Harry, who was in the middle of eating some porridge. Ron was directly across from her, stabbing at some sausage on a large serving plate.

"Good morning, everyone!" said Hermione.

Ron and Harry muttered something, and continued to eat. Hermione reached out and grabbed some bacon from a plate in front of Ron. Suddenly, Ron began to make choking sounds. Quickly, Hermione drew out her wand and performed the Heimlich Spell on Ron. An errant piece of sausage flew out of Ron's mouth and hit Draco Malfoy on the back of the head.

"Are you all right, Ron?"asked Hermione.

Ron coughed and sat back for a moment, then looked at Hermione in amazement,"Where on earth did you get _those_?"

Hermione looked down,"What? What are you talking about?"

Ron stared at her chest, apparently hypnotized, "Those..."

She looked down again and her bust seemed to have grown another inch. She blushed furiously.

"I, er, am a growing girl, Ron, and I'm, er, growing now. Everywhere. That's what you do when you, er...

"Grow?" Harry added helpfully.

Hermione looked at Harry and said, "Yes. Thank you."

Harry chewed his porridge and said thoughtfully, "They are awfully big, Hermione."

Hermione felt a huge sob grow in her body, "I've got to go to class now. Bye!" As she walked quickly out of the Great Hall, she glanced up at the teacher's table. Was it her imagination, or did she just see Professor Snape smirk at her?

The following weeks did nothing to relieve Hermione's feeling that there was something terribly wrong with her. Her hair, which was normally very bushy, had turned sleek and wavy. Her figure, which had never been extraordinary, blossomed into a curvy hourglass. Her skin was clear, and to her amazement, her eyes had turned into a lovely dark blue. She had tried to look up what spell it was that was causing these _changes_ in her, but all those books in the library had a weird musty smell and were really hard to read, especially if they had big words. She also had a recurring feeling that she had forgotten something, but didn't know what. Shaking off that feeling, she walked out of her room and down to the Common room. Immediately following her arrival, everyone fell silent and started at her until she stepped out of the portrait door. She happened to notice Lavender and Parvati walking down the corridor and ran up to them.

"Hi! What class do you have next?"

Lavender and her companion turned at looked at each other, then looked at Hermione,"Um, the same class as you, Hermione. Transformation?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot," said Hermione, lightly.

They walked for a minute, then Hermione turned to Parvati and asked brightly,"So what make-up do you use? Wicked Witch or GlamourSpell? You always look so fabulous!"

Parvati squealed,"Oh my God! You're asking for my advice about makeup?" Hermione nodded. "I'll tell you what, after dinner, we'll come to your room and do a total make over on you, okay?"

Hermione grinned. This was going to be the best evening ever!

Hermione had been totally made over. Her hair was done up in an elaborate 'do, she had make-up on, her nails had been painted and she felt great. No, better than great, _fulfilled_.She leaned back in her chair and smiled.

"Oh, Hermione! Don't do that! It'll ruin your hair! You're going to have to sit up in bed to keep it that way," admonished Lavender.

"It's worth it, Lavender. It's so hard to be beautiful,"replied Hermione, languidly.

Lavender and Parvati giggled, "You know Hermione, you are so cool now. Before you used to be such a bookworm and looked so awful. None of us could ever believe that you got such hunky guys like Krum and Cormac McLaggen."

Hermione tittered and then motioned for Lavender and Parvati to come closer to her. "Guess what? Neither do I! It is _so_ much better to be pretty than smart!"

With that, they all jumped on Hermione's bed and had a loud and sweaty pillow fight.

The following day, Hermione's new look garnered a lot of attention; some of it good, some bad. The boys of Hogwarts all seemed to be very appreciative. Most of the teachers, with the exception of McGonagall, seemed to like the new Hermione. Professor Flitwick had been so enamored of her new look that he kept mispronouncing spells, with often amusing results. Her final class of the day was Potions. She secretly wondered to herself what Professor Snape's reaction would be.

As usual, Professor Snape was right on time. He scowled at all the students dutifully lined up to get into the classroom. For a fleeting second, Hermione thought that his eyes lingered on her slightly longer than usual. There was a quick and mad tussle to sit next to Hermione, with the victors being Harry, who sat on her right, and Draco Malfoy, who sat on her left.

Harry leaned forward and hissed to Malfoy,"Watch where you put those hands, ferret brains."

"Feck off, Potter," replied Malfoy in his usual drawl.

Harry looked like he was going to reach for his wand, but Snape turned around suddenly. With a scowl Harry slowly placed his hand on his cauldron.

Snape cleared his throat loudly,"Today, we will be brewing a potion called Seeusay Lapensay. Do any of you cretins know what that is?"

All eyes turned to Hermione, but she just stared at the chalkboard with the potion instructions on it. Then she began to file her nails with her silver cutting knife.

Malfoy frowned, then put his hand up. Snape nodded to him and Malfoy began,"I believe it is a potion from France, sir, I think it translates to-"

Snape interrupted him, "Yes, yes, Draco. Very good. Twenty points to Slytherian. You have a half an hour to brew some. Starting _now_." With those words, he turned on his heel and left the classroom.

Malfoy scooted his stool close to Hermione and said in a loud voice,"You know, Mum's and Father's family are from France and they taught me French."He raised his blond head up slightly,"Even the girls from Beauxbatons said that I talk like a native." He sneered at Harry, who was angrily slicing up flobberworms. "At least I-"

Harry had quickly gotten off his stool, jumped around Hermione, and grabbed Malfoy's collar. Malfoy looked Harry and said in a calm voice,"If you wanted a piece of the action", here he motioned to a surprised Hermione,"you could have just asked me. Maybe we could, arrange something..." Malfoy gave Harry a wink.

Immediately Harry began punching Malfoy. In a matter of seconds, all of the boys in the classroom were hitting or hexing each other and the girls were screaming and trying to get the boys off each other while dodging hexes. Hermione sat on her stool, gently twirling her long, wavy hair, humming "Oops, I did it again"

The door slammed open, vibrating on its hinges. Snape stood in the doorway, his black robes billowing about him as if in a storm. Everybody stopped; some in mid-punch, others in mid-hex.

"What in the hell is going on here?" roared Snape.

The entire class, with the exception of Hermione, began talking at once.

"Enough!" yelled Snape. "Out! Get out of here now! Thirty points from Ravenclaw, Griffyndor, Hufflepuff...and from Slytherian, my own house, fifty points!" Malfoy shot Snape a dirty look, and stalked out of the room along with the rest of his classmates.

Hermione looked around and blinked. As the last of the class filed out, she raised her hand slowly.

Snape erased the board with an irritated flick of his wand, "Yes, Miss Granger?"

"Um, is class over?"

Snape stared at her for a minute, then pointed at the door with his wand. The door locked itself silently. He sauntered over to his desk, and in a flash of light, his robes disappeared. Now he was wearing decidedly Muggle low-cut black leather pants, a black blousey shirt that opened to his navel, showing curly chest hair and a well defined physique, and black boots. With a smirk he slowly sauntered over to Hermione. He stopped in front of her, and slowly stoked her face.

"Ah, my beloved,"said Snape in a silky voice.

Hermione smiled widely at him.

"All these years I have watched you from afar, waiting for you to blossom into a lovely woman so that you can be all mine." His black eyes glistened. "But you were so smart, so smart Miss Granger, that I knew that you would never be mine. So I came up with a plan to lessen your intelligence, yet booster your other, um, attributes. Do you want to hear it?

Hermione gazed at him with a slightly vacant stare, "Sure, I guess. Wait." She sighed rather heavily and took out her compact and powdered her nose. "Okay, go ahead."

"I knew that Potter would be on the lookout for anything that I did. So I knew that I had to be very devious. I couldn't make you have detention with me, nor could you drink any of the potions that the class makes. So I devised something better. I created a time release potion that you _inhale_. All had to do was say a simple spell, before every class, that allowed only you to become affected by the potion fumes. The best part is that everyone in this class had a part in making you Ho!mione, including Potter."Snape smiled gleefully.

Hermione looked at him blankly, "Oh."

Snape brushed his lips against hers, then began to slowly explore her mouth. Soon Snape's well-manicured hand began to slowly massage her full, heavy, breasts. Hermione moaned softly, and let her hands travel to the fly on Snape's pants. He undid her robe, and reached under her bra and began to rub her nipples until they were erect. She exhaled heavily as she rubbed his enormous penis,"Oh God, Serverus, its so huge! Just like I thought it would be!" He pinched her nipple hard and said in a low voice,"It's been waiting for you, my darling." He picked her up and laid her on the table rather forcefully. Her legs parted easily as Snape mounted her. As he thrust his throbbing manhood into her, she cried loudly,"Oh God, you're, you're...my true love!" Snape came quickly inside of her. He smoothly got off of her and with a flick of the wand, cleaned both of them up.

Hermione shifted her breasts properly into her bra, then asked in a cloying voice, "So, are when are we going to get married so I can have lots and lots of your babies?"

Snape make a sweeping movement to her and grabbed her by her arms," Is today too soon, darling?

Hermione giggled and said,"No, my honey-boo Sevvie. It's never to soon to love!"


End file.
